Brain Pills

Why does life have to be full of emotion?

Its like everyday something happens that we can't explain then we eventually change our personalities and act weird from time to time.

I had a damn opening in my head and when I came to think of it, it doesn't even hurt a bit in comparison to losing someone's friendship.
I am so tired of waking up every morning and have to take my medication which reminds me of the many people I have lost. Sometimes I ask myself, is it just for now or does it mean I have no right to talk to them again. Do I even care, and why do I care? At times I write poems that express much of how I feel, yet day by day I feel less.

Have I become numb?

I don't know, I live everyday trying to accomplish something, though it feels like its taking eternity to complete; Its not ever hard...

Hinder Bliss (I Don't Wanna Know) Lyrics

Hinder Bliss (i Don't Wanna Know) Lyrics

*** Complimentary Bliss (i Don't Wanna Know)


(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)

I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink
I really couldn't care less what you think
Well I don't have to listen now
Live this day down
If I can't feel a thing
You might as well save your goodbyes
We can give this train wreck one last ride
I'm gonna have to listen now
Live this day down
If I don't make things right
I'll tell you one last time

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)

I woke up with my heartbeat in my head
I reached for the bottle by the bed
I saw your side was not slept in
Cold sheets again
Remind me of what you said
We need to take a break for a while
It's been so long since I smiled
[Bliss (i Don't Wanna Know) lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I don't wanna listen now
Live this day down
With you so drunk and high
So I'll say goodbye

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over

I don't wanna know it's over
So save your goodbye kiss
I don't wanna know it's over
Cause ignorance is bliss
Now I know I can't stay sober
Cause you left me here like this
I don't wanna know
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
So save your goodbye kiss
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
(I don't wanna know)
Cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
What's in front of me
Cause the vodka's running on empty
I can't stay sober
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know
If it's over
If it's over
I don't wanna know

Smoke...

I have been looking out the window in different instances and for so many different days, all to consume the sent of the burning cigarette that almost never go away.
With no enthusiasm I have been moving around and taking along with me the memory of the early morning routine.
The Rushing to slip on my working jeans and the tending to the stove and the toaster at the same time, then rushing to check if the coffee is ready and finally to get myself in the pick-up truck seconds before my brother get tired of waiting on me.
Well, although I no longer have a crave for the cigarettes I bought a dollar worth yesterday only to remind myself of how happy I was while going to the ranch and sharing a pack of whites with my elder brother.
For that moment I took the first draw and I closed my eyes and as my lids closed there were vivid pictures that flew by and the many smells that attacked my nose brought sadness and emptiness to me, knowing that I am no where close to seeing my dad, my little brother Justin nor Jason. I can't wait till I go home and smoke a cigarette once again on my way to the ranch.

You are...

I look at you and yet you smile, we talk just as if we knew each other just a little better everyday and yet your actions make me question myself as if there was some thing wrong with me. Yes, you are beautiful and all that and you are smart just to add that fact that you are also responsible. In fact, I have no clue why it bothers me that you are yet so childish in your mind, you say so much with so little words. You have smoothly fitted ourself into a sock like I used to wear in my past. You are a like that kitchen fly trapped in the web of life. So with all that I say, try acting a bit human and don't let your accomplishments make you feel like you are invisible, the reality is you are just as good as anyone.

Who are you?

The Bridge

Suddenly, the gap to my understanding was bridged. I came to understand that we are who we are and though we are slaves to our own minds, we will never open up to anyone to the extremes what I can personally call trust. We all fear to share our deepest secret, we all fear to be known for our little habbits we routinely live for, we are all like portraits and frames. We are survivors in this arena called the "world." We have such disgusting tendencies to be hypocritical with friends but only to conceal our fears. I would say, be not my friend if I know not who you are, but then again, I am not perfect or open myself. I ought to believe that it is unrealistic for us to think we will ever know each other like we know the very spelling of our names. Yet, we create our own illusions and give light to misconceptions of love, we fail to understand that love is not beautiful in its creation but more life appreciated for the struggle of getting there. Till the truth of all secrets be revealed and we are forgiven, we are then accepted for whom we really are and if such divine expected action is done, we are all to be rewarded with love....

The question is, will we ever accept what true love really is and when will the trusting really start?

For with no trust there is no true love...

The Shit

These are some of the shit that can instantly make us enemies,just don't ever do them to me...

1. Remove your hands from anywhere near my face...
2. Never hit me on the back, I will by instinct hit you back...
3. Don't tap on the surface I am resting my back on, drives me crazy...
4. I hate sign language with a passion...
5. Disgust being with people that sponge up for any reason.
6. Don't enjoy being near noisy people for more than five minutes.
7. If you think you are too improtant to say hi to me and you expect me to say hi, you can just kiss my white ass.
8. I hate people that like to bully on others...
9.I will burn or destroy anynthing with Dora the explora the big head bitch...
10.Don't touch my food or drink without my permission.

Permanent or not?

Lately I have been caught up in a film inside my head, where I am the character that is supposed to know everything that is going on. I know how to get away, I know how to be smooth. Sadly, my eyes mark every feeling my body doesn't express. My tongue spills every word of emotion that makes me depresses, bring disapointment or something else. Yet, my silence and determination has only brought mistrust to my own person. I am not feeling the same, my body is always tense and my hands have become swift to shield in defense. I have become less worried and less caring towards everything that does not include me. I feel much safer thinking and being more dependent on my decisions than I used to be. I fight for everything, I want to have everything my way.
At first I used to care about the well being of others now all I care for is loving myself and thats all that matters. At first i used to share everything about my life and now I share only with those very close to me. I don't feel trustful anymore nor do I want people to know me. I crave silence and music; emo I prefer.
"Is this a change for good of is it a phase?"
In my work place I have become more responsible, more confident of what I do.

Who am I and how long will the film last?