Lately I have been caught up in a film inside my head, where I am the character that is supposed to know everything that is going on. I know how to get away, I know how to be smooth. Sadly, my eyes mark every feeling my body doesn't express. My tongue spills every word of emotion that makes me depresses, bring disapointment or something else. Yet, my silence and determination has only brought mistrust to my own person. I am not feeling the same, my body is always tense and my hands have become swift to shield in defense. I have become less worried and less caring towards everything that does not include me. I feel much safer thinking and being more dependent on my decisions than I used to be. I fight for everything, I want to have everything my way.
At first I used to care about the well being of others now all I care for is loving myself and thats all that matters. At first i used to share everything about my life and now I share only with those very close to me. I don't feel trustful anymore nor do I want people to know me. I crave silence and music; emo I prefer.
"Is this a change for good of is it a phase?"
In my work place I have become more responsible, more confident of what I do.
Who am I and how long will the film last?
At first I used to care about the well being of others now all I care for is loving myself and thats all that matters. At first i used to share everything about my life and now I share only with those very close to me. I don't feel trustful anymore nor do I want people to know me. I crave silence and music; emo I prefer.
"Is this a change for good of is it a phase?"
In my work place I have become more responsible, more confident of what I do.
Who am I and how long will the film last?
3 comments:
Wow. You must be a close friend of mine. I could tell from the first sentence. Sounds like you're having the kind of fun people have in their early twenties.
Cheer up, you'll get over it.
A friend of mine told me that when I feel that I way, I should make myself do something nice for someone or go talk to someone about something that bothers them. Tell you the truth it works. I feel connected and not as depressed.
I agree with Leo. It is an early 20's thing. We are at one of those places that we are no longer teenagers doing teenager stuff, but we are not really adults yet. It is sort of the waiting room to adulthood. Someday the door will open and your will step into the next room.
wonderfull description of a pain....sometimes its good to unknown. One of the best writting of yours and yes this change is not the end or the begining..this is not by age like others says..this is not that chemical reaction of recptors and peptiles...this is a change inside a change..it will peal for a new change and its going to stop changing only when u decide listen and observe the lessons of silence.
Post a Comment